first 2-week life in japan

it's like a dream that i am now in japan. i sometimes ask myself "have i woken up? until when will i continue dreaming?" but of course i am not dreaming. i am here enjoying n suffering real things--things which i've never experienced. at times i used to think that i would be ok no matter in what circumstances. but at others, i feel that not everything lives up to my expectation. i don't know now what i will feel later on. but since i came here on April 2nd, i've experienced a mixture of feelings already--a feeling of regret that i didn't spend enough time with my dad n mom n family, a feeling of excitement when i stepped into the plane from home country, n out of the plane in a new land, a feeling of loneliness when i have my meal alone, a feeling of not-belonging when no one is familiar, a feeling of joy when cambodian friends are gathering. i used to lecture people how to be strong, how to control one's emotions. but when it comes to myself, i learnt that what i told them is not all practical. i also learnt how badly i need people's company. i learnt how weak i am when i'm alone. however, i'll try to be strong in any way i can. maybe the best way is to keep myself busy with things so that i don't have time to feel anything. hope i succeed.

now it should be time i talk about sth positive. i have to acknowledge one person who gave me the idea of using blog. His name is Sokhour, one of my good friends. i just came to see the value of this kind of thing when i read his blog. i came to feel that i can use it as a mean of releasing my feelings when no one is available to listen to me. i may start this habit from now on. it feels like i can tell someone my joys n sadness, though i cannot see a person. this may be a very good way.

i came to japan on April 2nd, it's been a short time. but i've done a lot-- joining the khmer new year party, eating out with new friends, cooking by myself, taking classes. oh a lot. talking about the university system here, it's a bit different from that in cambodia. of course, in cambodia we do have things we call credits, but not many universities in cambodia r doing things like in japan. here, students have to take classes required by the university, but at the same time, they also have to choose classes which r not really relevant to there studies. this may be difficult, since we sometimes cannot decide which class to take. but there r also some good points about it. first, we can get a lot of knowledge other than the one we r majoring in. second, since we have choices, we don't need to always force ourselves to learn things we don't like. moreover, choosing classes by our own, though difficult, it is not sth impossible becos we have our advisors to help us decide.

all in all, it's not that bad when living here alone. the problem is "how do we view things? in a positive or negative way? are we willing to learn n adapt or not?" that should be all for today cos the library will close in a moment. ok talk to u later friends. good 9